Living Peacefully and in the present isn’t always that easy when people get in my way
Have you ever said the wrong thing in an effort to help, and it all gets messed up and someone in the process gets hurt feelings or angry? You meant well, but it caused them to worry, or do something that just made it worse? Do you know that feeling deep down in your gut when you wonder “Why did I even say anything?” And that peace you were centered on, disappears like a feather on the wind.
That happened to me today. It wasn’t a big thing, kind of a small one, but the response I got from their spouse, the tone of the voice, the raising of decibels, I realized I had stepped into a zone I didn’t want to be in. And then he hung up the phone. He wasn’t mad just making a point with the sound of his voice, and a curt comment that left me feeling guilty, and alone, and inside my head. And I couldn’t get outside of my head. I kept thinking about it, agonizing over it. And then I let it go. But it came back. Again and Again.
This time, I made the decision to feel it. To think about what was going on, why I was feeling such angst over really, truly, nothing at all. I decided to sit with the feelings. I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach, I was almost ready to cry, and I wanted chocolate, or food, or something to fill that space. Yep, there was that empty space again. I also wanted to text or call him and tell him I was only trying to help her, I didn’t think she would worry, and I started worrying about the other people involved. I wanted to talk to someone and share my woes. And then it hit me.
I wanted to hand it off to someone else. I didn’t want to hold onto these feelings. I wanted someone else to take it, let them worry about it, or worry with me. That didn’t seem fair either. But I didn’t want to hold onto it alone. That sounded like a contradiction to me.
On the one hand, I wanted to let this go and hand it over to someone else, or eat it away. And on the other hand I couldn’t get it out of my head. It tossed and turned like a sleepless night. I let the feelings happen, I allowed them to toss, and turn, and wash over me. I held them in my heart and my mind, and then I released them.
I had a mini conversation in my head…and chose to live in the present. What I had said was done, finished, and complete. I couldn’t take it back, and I was in a new place in time.
That moment had passed. And so had the circular thoughts.
I learned something today about emotions, and overthinking. You have to let the feelings in, pass through you, and then they can go. Trying to push them down or hand them off to someone else is denying your wellbeing. It leaves no room for finding peace with yourself. I learned that everyone will at some point say the wrong thing, and we all have different ways of dealing with it. Finding inner peace will come when you allow yourself forgiveness, and perhaps a little forgetfulness. But to deny them, will hold you back and its then we tend to make choices that may not lead us to peace and joyfulness.
Its your life. Live it out loud. Start Today.