I am a Fat Girl. I am Obese by definition. Family members have said “You have such a pretty face”, Co-workers never notice what I am wearing and say “Where did you get that? I need to have one!”. I am very conscious and attentive to how I dress and spend a great deal of time picking clothes that look tailored, neat, clean and sometimes even try to showcase a little of my Bohemian relaxed style.All my life I have struggled with finding stylish clothes in my size, fun items to showcase or speak to my personal style. Many times I have bought clothes simply because they fit and cover important parts like a protruding belly, or flabby fat arms. In short, I don’t like to shop, but every time I feel the need to feel “pretty” or have to shop for a business trip, I am hopeful. I am hopeful that I am smaller, hopeful that big girl clothes have gotten more stylish, or in shock that someone designed such a cute outfit and then made it sleeveless? Didn’t they know I need sleeves? (3/4 length please, heaven forbid my flabby arms show!) As I look at models in the Big Girl Store catalogs like Silhouette, Junonia, Woman Within and others, I wonder, could I really look as cute as that model does in that dress? And deep down inside I know that I will not. I will not, because I am not edited and because that Plus Size Model is probably a size 12 while I sport a size 28-30. No, that dress won’t look the same, and no amount of layering is going to change that.
Which is why, I have a closet full of clothes in a multitude of colors, and hold on…a multiple number of you guessed it…SIZES. I hold on to the smaller size clothing in hopes that tomorrow I will eventually fit into that outfit. The clothes hang in my closet like ghosts of my past calling me to come back, try it on for size, you can do it. And each time, I give in to the call and hopefully look at the label to see if perhaps that size 12 has now become a size 28. It doesn’t matter that I bought those pants in 1984. It doesn’t even matter that velvet is so passe’ or that the jeans dress with the cute dropped waists makes me look like an old school marm. Someday, I will be able to get into them. Someday.
Tomorrow is Joy Full Friday, and I have some big plans for my closet this weekend. My first thought is that it won’t be that Joy Full, but I am going to push past that fear and I am going to unload all those clothes, in all those sizes. I am getting rid of the excess baggage.
The weight of those clothes hanging in my closet holds me back. They keep me hoping and they certainly aren’t helping. My worth can’t be defined by clothes I can’t fit into, and my weight loss can’t be based on the clothes I wish I could wear. My weight loss has to be based on getting healthy and on reaching deep into my soul and letting that strong, confident girl define her own future.
I am so convinced by this even though I have so many arguments for not doing it. My arguments are many. If I lose all the weight then what will I wear? Where will I find clothes? Will I be able to afford it?
All great arguments built on fear. And I don’t make decisions based on fear anymore. I make decisions based on what is best for me. Looking at clothes too small is not a healthy thing for me to do. Hoping to go back in time is not healthy for me. I want to keep moving forward, and I am so very tired of looking back at what once was.
Are you hiding out in your closet? Is it time for you to start moving forward and stop looking back? If so, I hope you will join me this weekend and begin building a foundation for the new strong you. You are so worth a fabulous future. If your closet is holding you back, clean it out and make space for the new you. She’s strong, vibrant, and has a whole new style you have yet to discover. She isn’t a girl of the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s or 90’s! She is a woman with her own mind who has a whole new set of ideas, goals, dreams and aspirations in mind.
If you have your own “coming out of the fat girl closet” story to share, I hope you will comment in the space below.
Click here for a great article on how to begin going through your closets and making real progress. It’s all about Making Space, which is what we need. We need to make room for all the new discoveries that are coming our way. What are you discovering as you begin to focus on your health and well-being? What have you learned about yourself? Open the closet girl, come on out and step toward your amazing future.